There are many opinions and theories about how you can and should not punish the guilty child. Some believe that there is nothing terrible in physical punishment, others believe that this is a manifestation of barbarism.
Punishments of children can be different, and parents should independently determine which side to stand on this issue.
Common causes of child disobedience
Most married couples are sure that their baby has ceased to obey, because it is harmful, capricious and spoiled.
In fact, psychologists are sure that there are several valid reasons for child disobedience.
- In psychology, the so-called age crisis is distinguished.
It is characterized by a sharp change in the behavior, conversations and manners of communication of your child. Sometimes parents complain that the child is supposedly replaced. All this is associated with a jump in development. The characteristic time for this period is 1 year, 3 years, 7 years, 12-13 years.
- A large number of restrictions - some parents try to limit their children in everything.
They forbid them literally everything. If at an early age the child obeys unquestioningly, then much later he begins to have questions why he cannot do anything. In this case, it is enough just to weaken the upbringing a bit by reviewing its prohibitions.
- Inconsistency is the most frequent enemy in the upbringing of children.
Parents can daily review their views on certain things. For example, today they are allowed to eat sweets, but tomorrow is prohibited. Naturally, the child does not understand the logic in the judgments. Why the, that yesterday was possible, today already not.
- The lack of punishment - it is not strange, if the child is not punished, he can be disobedient.
For example, if a child is constantly being told that he is put in a corner, a new gadget or toy is taken away, but they never do this, then a quite reasonable question arises in the child’s head: why follow the rules, if there is no other action besides words?
- Attracting attention is typical for large families, for parents who are constantly in work.
Children do not know how to get their attention. The only way is obvious disobedience and violation of prohibitions. Such logic must be stopped even in childhood, so that it does not have any negative consequences.
Often, little crumbs wake up a great curiosity. This means that they can get into the outlet not from evil and not because of their harmfulness, but because of the great desire to find out what is inside.
From what age can children be punished?
It is possible and necessary to punish children, only psychologists advise to do this only when they reach a certain age. Of course, your punishment and slaps on the pope will be incomprehensible to the newborn baby.
Children under one year is strictly prohibited to punish. From 1 to 2 years, corporal punishment is prohibited. Parents should divert in every way from the subject, which deserved the attention of the crumbs. For example, switch attention from the outlet to a pet. At the same time, it is worthwhile to constantly explain that this is a danger.
At about 3 years old, the first crisis in a child begins. He is accompanied by protests and wishes to do everything on their own. Sometimes, a child from scratch perechit parents, not agreeing with absolutely everything that they offer. These can be both very commonplace things and global disobedience.
From 3 to 5 years, the task of parents to establish in the house clear rules that the baby should follow. For example, you can not watch cartoons for more than 15 minutes a day. At the same time, it can not be done today or tomorrow, or six months later.
Believe me, the initial disagreements with this and all kinds of protests will end soon enough, and later the child will not want to watch cartoons anymore.
If from 3 to 5 years, some psychologists allow you to impose punishment in the form of standing in a corner, a little tapping on the priest or sitting on a chair of disobedience, then from 6 years this practice should be canceled.
This is the younger preschool and school age, in which the crumb feels like a full-fledged person. Such punishments infringe upon him and make him insecure. Parents should already talk at this age about the misdemeanor of the baby, explain what was wrong with his behavior.
Why not punish a child?
Both parents and children should understand what they can and what they should not punish their own children for. The list of so-called misconduct must be clear and understandable, so that the kid always understands that he is making a mistake. Often parents make a mistake.
For the same action today can be punished, and tomorrow they will not even pay attention. It is the competent and well-planned behavior of parents that will help children to distinguish between their actions.
Psychologists advise parents before scolding their baby, initially to learn from him the causes of misconduct. Often this is a simple curiosity, for which you certainly can not be punished.
Punishing a child is not recommended for:
- Curiosity (jumping into a puddle can mean a desire to measure its depth and understand what is under water; analysis of objects helps to understand what they consist of).
- Age features (inability to speak, walk on time to the pot, think quickly, run).
- Psychological state during illnesses (children at this time become especially whiny, irritable, nervous and requiring increased attention).
- Carelessness (spilled a glass of water, fell on the street, stepped into the mud).
- Natural emotions (jealousy, envy, resentment).
Thus, parents should initially talk to the baby, and then draw conclusions. For example, a child could break an expensive saucer from her mother's favorite set. But later it turns out that the kid wanted to bake a cake and put it on this saucer. Accordingly, such an action no longer requires serious punishment.
Opinion of Dr. Dobson
James Dobson is a famous American child psychologist who believes that parents can and should punish their children.
But at the same time, they should adhere to the basic principles.
- Initially, adults should explain to the child what is possible and what is not.
Only knowing the rules, the baby will be able to comply with them. And when they are not formulated even in the parents themselves in the head, how can the same be demanded from the child.
- When a child behaves unworthily, provoking, then adults should show determination.
Often, moms and dads do not want to conflict. Unfortunately, children like this tactic is perceived as a weakness of adults.
- When creating rules, think about their implementation.
For example, children can collect their own toys and for a mess, parents can scold their children. However, the baby will not be able to repair the broken thing.
- The severity of parents should be based on love.
In no case is it permissible to punish your baby while in an aggressive and embittered state. The child will receive to anyone an unnecessary portion of anger and rage. First of all, calm down and only guided by the principles of proper upbringing, choose a measure of disciplinary punishment for your child.
- Punishment is always followed by consolation.
Be sure to reassure the crying child and explain what he was punished for.
Guided by the above postulates, it will be possible to create a strict relationship, but at the same time, basing them on love, warmth and mutual feelings.
9 general principles of "correct" punishment
A child is a delicate and sensitive organism. He is not only educated properly, but also punished.
This will help the basic principles:
- For the same actions should be the same punishment.
Believe me, after a few misdeeds, the baby will know what will be for the perfect act.
- Create a peculiar gradation of punishments.
The easiest are for wrongdoing, and already heavier for really serious violations.
- In the event that you decide to take a gadget or toy from a child, be sure to stipulate the time.
That is what will mean the direct relationship between misconduct and restriction.
- Be sure to calm down and act without unnecessary rage, aggression.
Calm is your main friend in this matter.
- The decision on restrictions for the baby must be made with the spouse.
There should not be such that mom always punishes, and good dad does not even participate in conflict situations. Dad and Mom should be at the same time.
- Choosing a disciplinary measure, pay attention to the temperament of the child and his age.
Of course, that in 3 years and in 9 years the measures of restriction will be completely different.
- Scold the baby is only in private.
You can praise with outsiders, but you can only curse strictly when you are alone or with close relatives.
- At the end of the quarrel should be reconciled.
Often parents come up with funny rituals, so that children do not get angry. For example, make up on the little fingers or tell a funny poem.
- Always and in everything be an example for your baby.
Demanding ideal behavior from your daughter or son, behave in the same way. If you scold for obscene language, then children should never hear it from your mouth. Otherwise, all your words will have an empty sound, because in fact you show a completely different behavior, which the little restless people will emulate.
It is important not only to scold and limit the kids, but also to praise them. During the praise, we not only praise our son or daughter, but also show the importance of such qualities as kindness, sincerity, patience, and politeness.
Constructive methods of punishing the child
Punishments do not mean just slaps on the pope. These are completely wrong methods.
Psychologists offer several different ways to help limit the baby.
- Denial of access is the way that is best suited for younger students and teenagers.
You can restrict access to the gadget, computer and TV.
- Correction of action - is suitable if the baby is able to correct the situation on his own.
For example, painted linoleum. So give him a rag and let him scrub his drawings.
- If a son or daughter is very spoiled, do not give in to any threats and persuasion, then they should calm down.
To do this, take them to another room and tell them that they need to be here 5 minutes. At the same time, the room should not be objects that can distract (toys, TV).
- It is often enough to apologize, especially if you hurt the feelings of another person.
- Ignore the harmful baby - effective for toddlers of preschool age.
Just leave the room or stop talking.
- Public work is a great correctional method that is used by many courts.
As corrective work may be mopping, carpet cleaning (depending on age).
It is imperative that, apart from the restriction itself, a conversation should follow, during which the parents explain why the behavior turned out to be unacceptable, what consequences it has and negative points.
There is a fine line in psychology between restrictions and humiliations. The latter can lead to disintegration of the personality, violation of self-awareness and problems in the future.
In no case can not be humiliated, denounced and publicly censure. Despite his misconduct, the baby must feel loved and the most intelligent.
No methods should be harmful to health. Not only flogging is prohibited, but cold water, fasting, standing on peas are also doused.
By limiting the actions or privileges of a son or daughter, the task of parents is to raise their children.
Can I spank children?
The worst and unreasonable method of punishment is the bodily measure of education. Many argue with this, believing that they were flogged in childhood and they grew up as full-fledged people. In fact, there is nothing in the spanking of educational measures. This is the usual humiliation at the physical level.
It is definitely worth noting that, perhaps, no issue in child psychology is as debatable and debatable as physical punishment. There are both his supporters and opponents.
In order to take one side or the other, it is still necessary to understand that spanking can lead to spoiled relations, children's psychological trauma.
Therefore, before you take up the strap, calm down and think about whether the offense is so heavy that it is necessary to apply physical punishment.
Law of the Russian Federation on physical punishment of children
According to Article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, disciplinary measures are imposed for beatings, including guardians or parents. It can be correctional work, and they can deprive them of their liberty for up to 2 years.
As a rule, such articles rarely apply to parents. Basically, the investigating authorities decide to finish the case amicably, reconciling the parties. However, in the case of serious misconduct, severe penalties can be applied.
It is possible to punish children, but it should be approached wisely. Only with a competent approach, it will be possible to cultivate a full-fledged personality, without crippling her. Toddlers are able to fool around, mischievous and capricious. All children are imperfect.
Parents have a big responsibility: to open the world to the kids, while raising a full-fledged personality.